Colourful language

'I'm only working two days next week, are there any little jobs you want done around the house?' asks the husband.

I let a moment or two lapse before answering 'redecorate the hallway'.  He's taken slightly aback, think he may have been expecting something like 'tidy the garage' or 'wash the conservatory windows'.  And before you can say 'Farrow and Ball' I've brought out a paint chart.  This now starts a little game I call 'trying to avoid getting a paintbrush out'.  Seems our idea of what needs to be done differs somewhat.  One of us is going for the 'a quick coat of white gloss on the door frames will freshen it up' and the other is going for the 'total revamp' option.  

Attention turns to the paint chart - now who thinks of the names of these colours?  We already have James White on three of the walls of our kitchen (always confuses me as that was the name of our son's best friend at primary school).  I like the name 'clunch', not for the colour, but the sound of the word.  Clunch.  Churlish Green.  How can a green be churlish?  If you could see Charlotte's Locks, you'd recommend Charlotte went to the hairdressers for a few highlights.  Do you like fish?  How do you fancy Dead Salmon?  I think I'd prefer 'Smoked Trout'.  We are actually going to head into animal territory, we've disregarded Pigeon, Fawn and Dove Tail and gone for Elephant's Breath.  Until we look at the chart in daylight of course when round two of the discussion will start.  I guarantee that conversation will begin with the husband saying 'actually, I don't think it needs redecorating at all.  Maybe I'll just give the ceiling a coat of paint, I think it'll make all the difference.'  Swiftly followed by me saying 'and once we've completely done the hallway, we can think about a new colour scheme for the downstairs cloakroom.'  That should keep him quiet for a while!