The room is completely dark, except for one slim slice of moonlight creeping through the gap between blind and windowsill. I try to guess the time. It must be later than midnight as the depth of the darkness shows that no streetlights are on. It feels as if I have not slept at all, despite coming to bed at 10.45, reading a little until about 11 and then switching off the light.
I can hear the rhythmic snoring of P laying beside me. I envy him his sleeping. I am not aware of any issues playing on my mind which would keep me from falling asleep, yet who knows what the subconscious may be dwelling upon. I try to clear my mind. The more I try to think of nothing, the more random thoughts appear. The relaxation techniques learnt at ante natal classes many years ago make me feel relaxed but still sleep evades me. I reach out to the clock to give it a brief tap. The illuminated figures 12.45 shine out at me. I try to recall the winding down exercises that end any exercise class. Control my breathing. The silence of the house encompasses me. The daytime sounds of heating and water pipes and the comfort they bring are missing. I sigh deeply, trying to make my body feel as heavy as possible. Warm, heavy, relaxed. Something, somewhere has worked. Next time I open my eyes, the room is light, the heating is on, cars are driving past outside the window and birds are singing.
This post is written in conjunction with an idea from Alexa A monthly moment in time.