Wednesday, 9 June 2010

If only we'd known ...

Position
Mum/Dad
Job Description
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organisational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless watching of sports/dancing/musical productions.
Travel expenses not reimbursed
Extensive courier duties also required
Responsibilities
The rest of your life
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and co ordinate production of multiple homework projects
Must have ability to plan and organise social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and an embarrassment the next.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility
Possibility for advancement and promotion
None
Your job is to remain in the same position for years without complaining and constantly retraining and updating your skills so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
Previous Experience needed
None
On the job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
Wages and compensation.
Get this - You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
Benefits
No health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays
This job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
There is no retirement.

8 comments:

Maria Ontiveros said...

Oh so true!!!
Thanks for the laugh.
Rinda

scrappyjacky said...

Brilliant,Deb....I better not show this to DS....he's about to take on this job!!!

jennifer said...

Ha ha! Just read this out to my dad and my husband whilst playing scrabble! Thanks for the laugh!

Amy said...

Fantastic! I seemed to have pulled a 24hr shift last night - frequent visitors in the night :-)
Deb this has given me a good laugh, thank you so very much - I think I needed it today :-)

Cheri said...

I've seen this (or something close to it) before, but it is still amazingly funny... and ridiculously true!

Sian said...

Absolutely brilliant. As my husband would say, "It's funny because it's true!" It has certainly given me a good laugh this morning.

humel said...

Yep :-) OK then, I think the job satisfaction is (just about) worth it....

Rachel B said...

What an acurate description! I love this - very funny x