Friday 29 October 2010

Dear Deb

It's hard to write a letter to yourself but that's the only way we are going to get through the prompt from Shimelle, so sit down, relax and listen. Do as you are told for once!
You have a tendency to think that it is still your responsibility to sort out all that needs sorting in your children's lives. It really isn't! They are grown up now and are more than capable of dealing with things. If they ask for help, then they know you will only be too willing to give it, but you really do need to wait for that request before acting! You know already that J is possibly more capable than you are at dealing with anything that fate throws his way, and you often don't hear about things until he has them sorted but you need to take a step back when R needs something so she can learn that her first reaction should be to deal with it rather than yell for Mum.
You worry too much. But you know that already don't you? How much time have you wasted worrying about things that may not happen, and in fact didn't happen. Stop with the 'what if ...?'s. Learn to deal with things as and when they are needed.
You really ought to learn how to say 'no' more often. There is only so much work you can fit into the hours you are contracted to do and you will only run yourself ragged if you take on too many extras.
You are possibly the most untidiest mother in the county. You have good intentions to be tidier but get carried away with some project or the other and the lounge becomes full of knitting paraphernalia and the dining table has the sewing machine left on it for days on end and the sight of the kitchen after a cooking marathon looks like an explosion in a flour and currant factory. It's no wonder the kids bedrooms are untidy, they are genetically programmed to leave things on every possible surface. You can't moan at them if you aren't setting a good example.

I don't want you to think I am having a go at you Deb, because all these bad things evolve from good points in your nature. You take your role as a Mum seriously, and have done since those first hours in the maternity ward. It was your job to keep them safe and well and now it is time to give them the responsibility for doing that for themselves. Teaching them independence is just another part of helping them learn. You worry because your family is so very precious to you and you feel like you have to have a plan ready for if bad things happen. You just need to get some perspective on this! You take on more things because you feel that if someone asks for help, it is only right and proper that you should shoulder some of their burden. You hate to let people down. But it isn't a help if you have so much to do, you can't do it all properly or it makes you stressed. You are a real home-body and love to be creative and make and do things for those you love. Maybe you need to tackle one project at a time rather than take over the whole house! You believe that it is more important to have good food than a tidy kitchen and so long as everything is clean, what does it matter that the saucepans haven't all been put away and the surface is full of bottles of spices and herbs.
And so what if the hoovering and ironing hasn't been done, this Shimelle prompt had to be finished. Get your priorities right!


Cheri said...

you wondered yesterday if your kids would take your advice... now it looks like you need to take it yourself! Kudos for recognizing all this and getting firm with yourself, but in a nice way.

humel said...

You definitely got your priorities right :-) Oh Deb, this is a beautiful letter, it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing it with us xx

Deb @ PaperTurtle said...

I'm smiling ear to ear right now, Deb. I LOVE your letter to yourself and it's amazing that the exact letter could have been written to me. Funny - when I read, "Dear Deb..." in my mind it was written to ME. Our similarities clearly to not stop with our common name! Very well done! xo

Maria Ontiveros said...

Awesome letter Deb! Haven't done that part of the prompt (yet), but I did some other parts. And now there's a new prompt up and ready to be tackled! Glad there's a weekend to catch up.

Rachel Brett said...

Fab letter Deb, I haven't done very well with keeping up with the prompts so I haven't got to this one yet. Loving what you have done though :)

Sian said...

Great stuff!

Anonymous said...

Fabulous letter Deb, love your honesty and so I can take if from your letter that it's my fault that Gracia's room is so messy - like mother like daughter!

Cheryl said...

Oh Deb I love this what a gorgeous letter, I am not a mum but what mum actualy stops living their lives for their kids in a bnice way of course. But now it is time for you to concentrate on yourself a bit more and start taking you own advice after all you deserve. Thank you for sharing x