Sunday 24 May 2015

If you know the extension you require, dial it now

Cate has given us a day off today where we can blog anything we want.  Anything.
So as it's half term, I'm going to share a school related secret.  Parents can be annoying.  I'm sure that no one reading this would ever think to ring up their children's school and ask ridiculous questions, or demand to speak to a teacher at 11am.  There's a clue in the name of a teacher, at 11am they will probably be teaching! You wouldn't ring up to make excuses for your child's phone being confiscated because it went off in a lesson 'oh that was only me ringing her to let her know that it will be Grandma picking her up tonight and not me'  Why would you do that?  When you know your child isn't supposed to have her phone switched on in school. Or maybe asking for an extension to the homework deadline because they 'went to the cinema last night and got home late so she was too tired to do it.' Or could we hold up the English exam because their daughter had overslept and wouldn't be able to get into school for 9am.  
So with very much tongue in cheek, someone made a spoof memo which read as follows:
To help the staff in the office handle their work more efficiently, we are considering the following new phone message:
" Hello, you have reached the automated answering service of your school.  In order to assist you in connecting to the right person, please listen to all the options before making a selection:
  • To lie about why your child is absent - press 1
  • To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - press 2
  • To complain about what we do - press 3
  • To swear at staff members - press 4
  • To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter, on the school website and several emails we sent you - press 5
  • If you want us to raise your child - press 6
  • If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - press 7
  • To request a different teacher, for the third time this year - press 8
  • To complain about the bus company which is nothing to do with the school - press 9
  • To complain about the choice your child makes in the school canteen - press 0
  • If you realise this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teacher's fault for your child's lack of effort: Please hang up and have a nice day."
You would be amazed at the calls we get.  Sometimes we just sit back and think 'did she really just say that?' - like the lady who rang to say that she'd noticed from the online canteen payment records that her daughter was choosing to eat pasta and salad every day and could we try to encourage her to eat something different?  or the one whose daughter was in hospital for a minor op and was worrying about it.  Could Mrs X (her favourite teacher) please go to the hospital to reassure her? 
We have 1200 students in our school and 99% of our parents are reasonable, sensible people.  As for the others ...


Sian said...

Funny! Do you remember Frank Carson the comedian who used to say "It's the way I tell 'em"? well, it's the way you tell them..

Cate Brickell said...

It's always the one percent!

Susanne said...

Funny, in these instances, a teacher friend of mine would say "some kids' mothers!!"

Cheri said...

I would LOVE to see a school actually put this up! Might make the parents realize you are on to them.